Never a book as present since. Heck, I'd have to literally beg him to bring me home a book from the library WHERE HE WORKS!!
And then this Valentine's Day (even though we never exchange presents, just cards) a surprise! Two new books for little ol' me - brand new, not from the used bookstore or loaners from the library. I thought that I had given up my consumerist thrill in new books, but the idea that my fingers were the first to brush their tips through the pages completely titillated me.
I finished the first in two days (I'm way too quick a reader which is why I have mostly given up on the idea of buying new books for myself). It was A Reliable Wife by Robert Goolrick, an absolutely amazing novel set in rural Wisconsin at the turn of the twentieth century. I must write a proper review of it as it was stunningly brilliant in its subject matter, the writing, the use of character and landscape. If you want to be a writer you read a novel like that and think to yourself "this is who I want to be - this writer."
But that's not what this post is about. See the novel revolved around two characters: Ralph Truitt, a wealthy widower who places an ad for a "reliable wife," and Catherine Land, the woman he choses. Land, however has hidden motives upon hidden motives, some obvious, some not so. She lies to him from before they meet, at first hiding herself from him in order to fulfill her motives and then hiding herself from him in order to keep him from thinking badly of her.
Okay, so I've never planned to kill my husband (not really, there've been moments where I've pondered his death with a little more relish than grief, but fleeting moments in which I was not truly myself), but I wonder if I'm a liar too.
After all, it took my 7 years to reveal to him that I might like earrings sometimes. Just last night he finally learned that I'm afraid of the dark. He was really surprised, actually, which I find remarkable as I thought it was obvious. It's not something you want to confess to people as a grown woman, though, is it? I've done it now though and confessed, but it'll take a while before I reveal why I'm afraid of the dark.
There've been other things that he's been shocked to discover too: my feelings about certain controversial subjects; secret fantasies (no I'm not talking about my imagined letters post); aspects of my childhood; aspirations.
Considering we've been together 10 years you'd think I'd have no secrets by now. There are only two explanations:
- 1. He's incredibly dense and needs to be told literally everything.
- 2. I'm incredibly secretive.
It's probably a combination of both, though I probably am a bit of a secretive person. I'm the worst kind, actually, the kind that seems very forthright and open but holds back a lot. And he is rather dense quite often. Perhaps not a match made in heaven in terms of that . . .
What about you? Are you an open book to your spouse? Does (s)he know everything there is to know or do you still surprise each other after years together? And is a little held back and revealed over time or not at all healthy for a relationship or does it just make us unreliable?