Typical night-time discussion at our house goes something like this:
Hubby and Mom clearing dishes and listening to some foolishness like Cross Country Checkup on CBC. I'll be ranting about Rex Murphy being a controversy-stirring lump of uselessness while hubby attempts to play devils advocate.
Children offstage left. Quibbling. Bickering. Altogether fighting.
Enter Harrison, with hand to head, a limp and a pronounced whine:
"Mom. Teaghan hit me in the head."
Teaghan (still offstage, voice heard loud and clear though): "I said sorrry!"
Mom: "Yes, well, there you go. Steal her kiwi, she hits you on the head. Take your lumps."
Harrison: "I didn't steal her kiwi."
Teaghan (still offstage): "Yes you did!"
Harrison: "Mom . . . ."
Mom: "I don't care! If Teaghan hit you on the head, I don't care. If you bounce a piano off her skull, I don't care! If she drops a 2X4 down your pants, I don't care!"
Mom then breaks into "I don't care" dance, shuffling feet, kicking legs singing "I don't care. I don't care. You can kill each other, I don't care."
Everyone gathers to laugh at mom. Quibbling forgotten for a moment.
Husband shaking head.
Husband: "I've got a 2X4 in my pants!"
Mom: "Yeah, right. More like a 1X1 or - not even - a piece of stripping maybe."
Husband (dejected): "Don't you mean quarter-inch dowel"
Mom: "Yup, quarter inch dowel, about this long a piece." (holds fingers about 2 centimetres apart)
Husband: (head hanging in shame) "Okay."
Kids laughing - though they've no idea what we're talking about. Mom laughing uproariously. Husband trying not to laugh.
What kind of conversations do you have?