26.4.10

Little Did I Know

Little did I know when I became pregnant
  • that peeing would become a torture and a victory
  • that "morning" sickness is a misnomer
  • that bleeding and cramping don't signify the end
  • that everything, not just your belly, changes shape
  • that breast pads are essential even before the baby is born
  • that I would suddenly start to like olives and crave meat
Little did I know when I went into labour
  • that nurses could argue with you whether back labour was "real" labour
  • that it would hurt in the way it did
  • that I would forget all the pain
  • that there's a right and a wrong way to push and being told you're doing it "wrong" in the middle of a contraction can make you the angriest you've been in your life
  • that that many stitches could fit in my "down there."
  • that after 30 hours of labour, two vaccuum extraction attempts, and being born sunny side up a baby could emerge without conehead and look so perfect.
  • that, yes, you do actually shit in labour and no one cares, not even you
Little did I know before I had children
  • that they're actually born with personalities
  • that everything I did while pregnant or in those early days would be fodder for my guilt if anything went wrong with my children
  • that little people could be so loud
  • that little people could be so stinky
  • that little people could be do messy
  • that they're not actually little people, despite having personalities and bodies and spirits, they will always be extensions of me and at each moment looking at them would hurt like I had lost a body part and cause great joy like I had created a masterpiece.

 
How much it would cost? I had an inkling. How hard it would be? I sort of guessed. How wonderful it would be? I fully anticipated.

 
And yet each day catches me by surprise as I were a child myself.

 
That I didn't know.

And also that the most important thing I ever did or will do is them and everything about them. Even if I cured cancer, they are what I want to be remembered for.

What didn't you know?

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