Potty Mouth

There are things I thought I'd never say. And yet I say them every day.
These are presented without explanation
As there's no explanation for THAT:

  • Don't eat the crumbs from your diaper.
  • Oh, he's spilled gravy all over himself. Oh dear God that's not gravy.
  • Of course you'll gag if you stick your nose in your brother's poo. Don't throw up on the couch.
  • What are you doing?!? How did you get your head down there?!? No you cannot watch your sister's poo come out! Get your head out of the toilet and let your sister shit in peace!
  • It's not a competition. Stop arguing. You are both very stinky.
  • Your pull up is not an extra pocket. Do not keep candy in  there.
  • Don't eat the rabbit food pellets. Oh that's not a food pellet! Go wash your mouth out now!
  • No that is not gum, that's petrified cat poo. I don't know why it's in the sandbox. Probably a cat put it thre. Please do not eat it.
  • Christ it's technicolor. How does one child produce blue, green and orange poo in a single sitting?!
  • I don't know when the last time he had a "bowel movement" was. I don't keep a bathroom journal. Son, have you had a shit today?
  • No, turning your underwear around is not the same as changing it. Now you've got tracks on the front and back.
  • Listen, honey, if you have to grunt and push that hard it's time to give up. We'll try again later. No I will not pull the poo from your bum.
  • Yes, the only way he'll poo is if I stick my finger up there and massage his anus. No, well you wouldn't know as you're not home when I do it. Yes, I do think it's time we saw the doctor about his constipation. Yes, of course I wash my hands afterwards! And before too!
  • When you're done wiping, the paper goes in the toilet, not on your bedroom floor. Why would you leave it there?
I could go on. But that's enough isn't it?

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