The Tremendous and The Terrible

A Week in The Life of a Two Year Old

On Monday
Emerson ate blueberry oatmeal. Strangely, he emerged from the breakfast battle with a flaky bluish face.

“Emerson,” Mommy said “you need to wash your face.” She ushered him towards the bathroom.

Suddenly the washcloth loomed, magically wet and cold, in her hand.

“Me do” Emerson shouted.

After a pre-emptive scrub she handed him the cloth. He pushed her out of the bathroom and shut the door.

She heard splashing….

“What the!” Mommy exclaimed as she ripped open the door:

“Emerson, we do NOT wash our face with toilet water.”

On Tuesday
Emerson followed Mommy into the bathroom. He attempted a little sit-in with her. Finding the events boring he stood, goodies waggling in the breeze. He walked over to mommy, saying “oh oh, no pee.” Then he peed on her foot.

On Wednesday
Emerson grunted and groaned. Mommy said “Are you doing your poo Emers?”

“Un-hunh,” he replied shaking his head. Then pointing to the bathroom “Potty?”

“Do you want to poo on the potty?” Mommy said, the maybe-he’s-about-to-get-it excitement just thinly veiled.


On Thursday
Emerson helped Mommy bake cupcakes. First he scooped flour into a pile on the floor, then he rolled an egg off the table and cracked it in the vicinity of the flour. Next he decorated his hair with cocoa. Mommy made 48 cupcakes. Emerson made a mess.

On Friday
Emerson found an old toy that Mommy had put away and forgot about new toy in the garage. It quickly became his favourite. He took it everywhere. It pulled along on wheels. It was awesome. He wouldn’t leave it out of his sight.

Well, except for when he decided to leave it on the stairs so he could go help Mommy pull out the laundry baskets from upstairs. Mean mommy stepped on his new toy and flew down the stairs, spilling the laundry he had helped her pick up all over the floor. He checked on his toy and gave it a kiss. It was okay. Mommy was so upset about hurting it that she cried. She’s been holding her arm kind of funny ever since.

On Saturday
Emerson slept for three hours. Emerson never sleeps for three hours. Mommy wanted to get groceries. She had to wait.

Sunday is supposed to be a day of rest
But not for Emerson. On Sunday he played in the sandbox with some big kids. He ate lots of sand. He had a sand bath. Then he ran through the open door. He was thoughtful enough to take his shoes off, though. He flung them across the room. The sand achieved great spreadage. Then he broke his sunglasses. Summer is over after all. He followed that with a fine rendition of pull-off-my-diaper-and-pee-on-the-kitchen-chair. His encore involved swiping Mommy’s cold coffee and sharing it with the couch.

A very productive week for Emerson.

I’m not sure why I haven’t managed to get much done around the house myself.


  1. bloody knackered on your behalf just reading it!

  2. @MMM: yes, well, if you miss yours at school you can always borrow mine for a couple of days. I won't even charge you for it.

    @northernmum: thanks. I actually did laugh during most of it. There's no point getting upset about a little cold coffee on the couch or toilet water on your child's face. Spilled milk, now that I would cry over - have you seen the price of milk these days!?

  3. Gosh Emerson, well done! That was quite a week!

  4. Seriously laughing out loud as I read this. That sounds almost as busy as my week.

  5. OMG Dara-I love you! You make me laugh and realize that life even though life is full of shitty moments (in your case literally) you can still try and let them roll off of you (or at least blog about it)

  6. He peed on your foot....nice one!

    Had to laugh at your frustration with him sleeping too long We mums are never happy - they either don't sleep enough or too long so it messes up the routine. I was just the same.

  7. Poor kid! What an itinerary! You've got to give him a day off some time you know!


    Totally sympathise with the non-potty training. The potty in our house has been found dumped behind the sofa on numerous occasions and nobody seems to know how it got there... especially our little 'un.

  8. Way to go Emerson, it's good to keep these oldies on their toes...

  9. Emerson rocks (that's easy to say my thousands-of-miles-away perspective) ;-)

  10. @Alethea: Yes he's a busy little boy.
    @Lindsey: I'm pretty sure he's got a multi-tasking personality
    @Livi: Why, is there a foot needs peeing on around you.
    @Susie: Yes, it's all just material. Thanks hon

  11. @Trish: It's like they have a sensor for when we DON'T want them to nap, isn't it?
    @Steve: I keep telling him to take a holiday from mayhem and destruction, but he just throws dvds on the floor and grins. At least there were no poo-smeared carpet or furniture incidents this week

  12. @VB: Yes, oldie, eh? Hmmmm
    @Meester: Emerson is ace! He rocks! We've got Hurricane Harrison, Tempest Teaghan and Epicenter Emerson and they're all awesome (but messy) kids.

  13. @The Contented: You've got about two years. Start stain protecting your furniture now!

  14. *wipes tears of laughter from eyes*

    Sorry, and your problem is...?

    LCM x

  15. @LCM: I'm laughing too hard to get any work done!

  16. That's a classic week by anyone's standards! I think Emerson is a children's book series in the making.

  17. So funny. I can't tell you how glad I am those days are gone for me. Though my son will be 18 soon.... he's going to come home late one night and spew on my foot isn't he?

  18. I pretty much just did a spit take all over my computer thanks to your post. Emerson is a little firecracker. Maybe he and Lucha are related?

    PS Sorry to hear about your arm. Wish I was nearby to bake you a lasagna and give you a massage.

  19. bah, just wait till they trek sawdust and goat poo through your house and then pee on that! Both at the same time! Little darlings.

  20. Makes my week seem tame as I only had to deal with 2 lots of poo in pants incidents ;-)

  21. Hilarious! What a week - geez, I'm not looking forward to my little'un crawling... I'd forgotten the chaos mobile toddlers can cause (my Miss 6 and Miss 4 are pretty civilized these days). Thanks for reminding me and I shall try to be as good humoured about it all as you!

  22. Sounds a lot like my house this past week. I swear RJ is getting more destructive as the days go by. As of today I have a total of three plates and/or bowls left in my house. I finally get the toys and floors cleaned up and RJ thinks the walls need juice, just to brighten them up. Right now he is trying really hard to put a plastic truck through my wall. When is bedtime again??? LOL


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