21.6.11

I am her -ummm She - no - "that" woman

I am the mother that sends her six-year-old to school in mismatched socks.
I am the woman whose house looks like a tornado hit it - every single day.
I am the mom who shows up late for school events even though I'm a "stay-at-home" mom.
I can never find anything.
My library books are always late.
I don't accept your invitations to go out and don't contribute to every little fundraiser.
I'm a mess.
You can tell all those things just by loking at me.

I'm also the mother with three young, high-needs children: one with ADHD and on with Neurofibromatosis Type 1.
I work 15+ hours from home without childcare or help - which means I'm usually up till 3am finishing my work after everyone else goes to sleep.
I worry about money every single day and recently redid our budget only to realise that we're about $500 short every month on our basic expenses.
My husband has challenges of his own and the fact that he goes to work nearly every single day when he could well be on disability is enough to impress me.
Despite all that I spend the majority of my time worrying about other people and trying to help them.
You can't tell these things by looking at me. You'd have to actually talk to me. Talk to me as if I'm real. Talk to me as if you care.

But all you care about is how hyper my son is and how his socks don't match.

23 comments:

  1. My daughter's socks have not matched in 12 years. There are more important things. But you already know that.

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  2. My daughter's socks don't match because I let her dress herself. If she likes it that way, then everyone else can shut up about it. I bet you get a lot of dirty looks at the store. I have found the old ladies at Michael's to be the worst on that. At least my kid won't grow up thinking getting smacked in the face is normal.

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  3. Whoever has dared to prejudge you... well, they'll get their own. I'm a great believer in karma. As for us here who know and love you... well. We know what matters. And where it matters you've got it in spades.

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  4. It's so lovely to know I'm not the only one whose kids' socks don't match. Sometimes they don't even wear socks! I never do.
    We all have those things, don't we, that are incredibly superficial yet others judge us about? It's so stupid. I was amazed a couple of weeks ago at a family event to see the preschool son of a woman who I always consider as "having it all together" wearing mis-matched socks! It made me so happy!

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  5. Awww Steve, you're melting my heart, love. You gotta stop being so mushy all the time - I keep looking for the "but"

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  6. My butt is yours - as per the rota system we previously discussed

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  7. I am a mess. Everything in my house is either broken, drawn over or covered in sticky finger prints. My house smells like wet dog. My kids always look as though they have dressed themselves. Sometimes they really have. Those people that judge you because of these things are idiots. Shallow, small minded idiots. They are not people you want to get to know anyway, sod em. You are an amazing, kind, generous, warm hearted, thoughtful, beautiful, funny as hell lady and I love you just as you are. Mismatched socks and all.

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  8. Hugs hun. It is their loss. Plus you do know there is a whole company whose business is selling mismatched socks-you were ahead of your time.

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  9. We only judge others when we''re insecure about ourselves. I bet your house doesn't look half as bad as mine, I'm too embarrassed to invite anyone over. As I type my two younger boys are laughing (but being very naughty). There will be tears soon, and more mess. Sometimes I sit and stare into space, just to try and 'zone out'. Motherhood is hard, that is why there are so many people judging, there will never be a prize for first place, there is no competition. You are and always will be the best mother for your children, and that is a fact.

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  10. @Susie - as a pre-teen I loved wearing mismatched socks - often pulled over my leggings and paired with sloppy sweatshirts. Probably that was in style then.
    @Lucewoman: Thank you. My kids do that laughing thing too - and although I know there is evil to come I enjoy the momentary bliss of their laughing instead of arguing. It is my firm belief that all mothers should be given sensory deprivation tanks or at least taught how to meditate upon the birth of their first child.

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  11. I wish I could show up late & frazzled somewhere with you.

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  12. @Dana: Only if Klaw is wearing mismatched socks.

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  13. sounds like my house...grrr to the person that had the audacity to lay judgement. I am awed at what marvellous things that you are able to accomplish...even if you don't have socks that match. BTW Mastermind actually sells mismatched socks and they are kind of cute (:

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  14. Well my boy has matching socks, but I doubt that I am half the parent that I know you are. xx Don't let whoever it is grind you down.

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  15. I get bored when everything matches...I'd say the kids do as well. I bet your kids think you're the best Mum in the whole world and it's their opinion that counts isn't it?

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  16. Are socks supposed to MATCH? Humph. Had no idea.

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  17. PS I just paid a hideous $16 in late fines at the library. I felt like a got a royal spanking by the librarian. Don't worry Dara. If there are some mean girls after you, send them my way. I'll have them doing your laundry and kissing your A$$ before they can say, "who said socks need to match?"*wink*

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  18. A darn good reminder about being gentle with other people. Thanks.
    A commencement speech by David Foster Wallace gets to the same place as he tells grads to consider what might have happened to the person behind you in line or next to you in traffic.
    http://moreintelligentlife.com/story/david-foster-wallace-in-his-own-words

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  19. It seems that it's going around.

    http://marketingtomilk.wordpress.com/2011/06/23/what-kind-of-mother/

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  20. Hey hun, I no longer allow the kids to borrow books from the library, in the end it's cheaper to buy them on special than pay the library fees. My 17 yr old doesn't own matching socks, my daughters share a room that is carpetted in dirty undies and wet towels, my cats eat off the benches and the dog often jumps up on the bed. On the upside my kids have grit in spades and can cope with the real grubby, not so wet-wipe-clean world. I like to think they're durable. Your kids are a huge credit to you, and you are one of the kindest women I've ever (not) met! Ignore those that judge, they're merely projecting their own inadequacies. You are fab my friend. Fab mum, fab woman, fab writer, a woman of conviction and soul. xx

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  21. This made me cry, this is so me in every way except my children have slightly different needs. This takes courage to tell the whole world, especially when most of them dont know and dont care because as you said they only care that your son is hyper with mis-matched socks, just as mine is.

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