28.6.11

Things Left Unsaid


Chantal Joffe, Yellow Raincoat
courtesy of http://www.likeyou.com/en/node/15189

… What you don’t know

Is that I have always told you

The truth, covered up under

A yellow rain slicker….

- Stephanie Hemphill



And sometimes the rain pours so hard that the raincoat becomes slicked to my body – a second skin. The covered truth burrows inside, warm and cozy under my heart. It bangs against my ribs when it wants set free. But the tumbling of the rain drowns out its knocking.

What wouldn’t you blog about? What do you leave unsaid?

I’m a private person – which I know is somewhat of a dichotomous place to be as a “life blogger” (I much prefer that term to “mommy blogger”) and a family columnist. After all, I discuss my life and my family in all forms of media. And I have always told the truth.

But that doesn’t mean I tell all the truth, or that the layers of truth have not become firmly glued into a plywood of a story – planks for building public houses.

I have read other bloggers discuss their husband’s suicide, their own suicide attempts, their children’s special needs, their path to fertility, even just their insecurities. And I don’t think it’s wrong to write about those things. But I wouldn’t.

Sure I’ve touched upon my sons’ illnesses, my husband’s struggles. But those are not my stories to tell. I will not be the actor who upstages before the soliloquy has even started.

And so there are things left unsaid. Things that maybe would help you understand the things I have said. And there are things buried deep under the truth, like burrowed animals in the winter, waiting for the thaw when they’ll drag themselves out ravenous and hungry for the world.

What wouldn’t you blog about? It’s a strange question, because it asks you to answer a negative. I know bloggers – bloggers who always tell the truth – the often gory, sometimes funny, and always identifying truth. And I know some of the things they haven’t said on their blogs. There are truths we all keep close.

Because what is a blog? It’s just another face we present to the world.

And what is the truth? It’s a many layered experience. It’s personal and it’s private. And it’s subjective.

So while I believe there are bloggers who blog with integrity, I don’t think there’s a single person who can claim to blog “the truth.” And while many bloggers will write their personal and private stories, I don’t believe those are the full truth either.

What wouldn’t you blog about?

21.6.11

I am her -ummm She - no - "that" woman

I am the mother that sends her six-year-old to school in mismatched socks.
I am the woman whose house looks like a tornado hit it - every single day.
I am the mom who shows up late for school events even though I'm a "stay-at-home" mom.
I can never find anything.
My library books are always late.
I don't accept your invitations to go out and don't contribute to every little fundraiser.
I'm a mess.
You can tell all those things just by loking at me.

I'm also the mother with three young, high-needs children: one with ADHD and on with Neurofibromatosis Type 1.
I work 15+ hours from home without childcare or help - which means I'm usually up till 3am finishing my work after everyone else goes to sleep.
I worry about money every single day and recently redid our budget only to realise that we're about $500 short every month on our basic expenses.
My husband has challenges of his own and the fact that he goes to work nearly every single day when he could well be on disability is enough to impress me.
Despite all that I spend the majority of my time worrying about other people and trying to help them.
You can't tell these things by looking at me. You'd have to actually talk to me. Talk to me as if I'm real. Talk to me as if you care.

But all you care about is how hyper my son is and how his socks don't match.